Finished Product

Last year I wrote a poem and put it on my blog but since then I've worked on so I thought, seeing as I'd put all that effort in, I would inflict the finished product on you.

When I’m An Old Woman

When I’m an old woman I’ll eat ratatouille

and my house will smell of garlic and onions with

the aroma of olive oil and empty bottles of red wine

and bleach, toilet cleaner, old perfume and loneliness.

But with failing hearing I shall hear the phone

because day in and day out I’ll long for it to ring.

I’ll chat to foreigners who want to sell me

life insurance, car insurance and holidays.

Then I’ll put the phone down and hear the silence.

And I’ll dust and polish spick and span surfaces -

must keep busy.

I’ll welcome Jehovah’s Witnesses with joy

because they’re a voice and someone to talk to,

then they’ll go leaving me unconverted

and the Watch Tower they give will be screwed up in the bin.

I will watch the kids playing in the street

and moan when the ball comes over the fence.

I’ll threaten to burst it with a garden fork

because I envy their youth and their energy.

Then when the darkness falls, I’ll pull the curtains closed

and pray and thank God for another day he’s spared me,

but he’ll know, I’m tired, I’m old and I’m a liar.

Weekend discovery

The one who talks behind your back is the one who can't look you in the face.

Threatened with a holiday!

Yep. My doctor has threatened me with a holiday courtesy of the National Health. We're now fighting what she calls probable infection with antibiotics which are equivalent to Napalm to keep me this side of the doors of the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital.

Not a happy bunny!

Psoriasis is a funny disease because often I don't really show any traces of it but when it flares up, it goes all guns blazing. Basically what happens is normally the skin cells take 21-28 days to renew themselves, with Psoriasis they go on the rampage and start doing it every 2-6 days and the skin flakes, peels off leaving immature skin underneath - ready to repeat the process.

And me being me have the added bonus of Psoriasis nails which means the skin underneath the nails goes crazy and pushes the nails away from the nail bed until they fall off. It's not nice to look at and it's sore and painful to have. But don't worry if I shake your hand - you won't get it because it's genetic and not contagious. But if you decline - I will understand.

There are various triggers for Psoriasis and mine is stress. It has been stressful the boys moving out but it's a good thing because we all get on much better now and it's lovely to look forward to seeing them. It's been stressful with the housing situation. I have moved out of the shed but am now living in the remnants of what used to be my family home and that's horrible and it's stressful not knowing when the situation will be rectified - unfortunately that's not down to me but down to bureaucracy that haven't a clue what they're doing.

It's been very stressful waiting for that knock on the door, the one I've been threatened with because of a certain action I took which I had no choice over. It's a long story and I'm not going to go into it but it's caused a lot of stress, pain and upset.

And now just to make matters worse - well do I pack a bag or not?

Hopefully these antibiotics will work because I certainly don't want to go back to the RSH after last time. So let's hope poorly paws and scabby Sue get back to some normality soon.

Yes you've guessed it - a bit down today and the weather well that certainly hasn't helped either.

Ultimate betrayal

It would be nice to think that when times are hard and stress levels are at their maximum that those closest to you would offer you their support but this never happens with me. And recently this has been proved yet again.

Hey Sue - you're on your own.

Despite everything that is going on I'm trying to give up or at least cut down on smoking. I've lost count the number of times I've tried before and failed but I've always hung on to the never give up trying theory.

But today - it was the ultimate betrayal.

I popped into the kitchen and came back to find this....

The computer having a crafty cigarette!

Writers, artists and emotions

As writers and artists are we afraid to show our emotions through our work? I know some writers who are and some who aren't. I fall into the latter category and have often sat at my computer sobbing over the keyboard.

Today I've been rewriting and revising my novel and I've been focusing on the aftermath of Tina's husband death. That time she stood at his graveside as an empty shell and let all her love pour into the coffin, leaving her with nothing. But you know I haven't written it as well as I know I can because some emotions, feelings I'm a bit scared to revisit.

Recently I lost someone close to me and the grieving process has been incredibly difficult and although I'm not there yet , I know I will be one day and the sights, sounds and memories will make me smile, not sigh when I remember them.

So Tina, I am sorry and I will get it right soon.

Wrekin Writers and Kindle Publishing and a big thank you to Bryan Vaughan

It was good to go back to Wrekin Writers yesterday and to see so many old friends and yes, it did confirm that I should never have left in the first place. However, there was sadness too because of events that have taken place since I last went. I really do hope issues can be resolved so the sadness will be lifted.

Yesterday Bryan Vaughan did a presentation on Kindle Publishing. His own book Taken (The Roxy Harker Chronicles) is available on to download on Kindle from Amazon and believe me it is well worth a read. The presentation did get a bit complicated, probably mainly due to the fact he didn't have a projector but used his laptop but since then Bryan had supplied us all with a copy of his presentation to read through at our leisure.

But there two things that really struck yesterday morning and they had nothing to do with the actual 'mechanics' of uploading your book on to Kindle but it was the author himself.

Bryan has a firm belief in not only his book but his ability as an author to write what is a damn good story. I first read Taken several years ago in one of its earlier drafts and enjoyed it then but it did need work doing on it. Between then and now he's honed, cut, polished and crafted his book and he's never given in or lost that belief in his work or himself.

I really admire that because I've done exactly the opposite. I've written lots of 'good stuff' and left it to fester on the computer which although many don't realise, it has caused me immense frustration to the point of almost paralysis. That's not an excuse - that's a statement. Hence the reason Bryan's work is out there being read and mine still sits on the hard drive.

And that brings me to the second thing that struck me. Bryan did say 'I want my work to be read.' God those words have echoed around in my head ever since. I don't know how many times I've said that or even more often, how many times I've thought it. I know the buzz of seeing your name in print. I know the thrill a writer gets when someone says 'I enjoyed that,' and I know the frustration of trying to get it right and even worse the frustration of not even trying.

Kindle Publishing is an exciting innovation for writers because it gives the opportunity to get your work out there. Yes there is and will be a lot of dross (don't get me started on The Hidden Prince but the price should have given the joke away in the first place and I know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary) but I do believe that through Kindle Publishing the good writers will succeed and who knows the next JK Rowling could be uploading their work to Kindle at this very moment.

A big thank you from me to Bryan for yesterday and I really do wish him well with his book and look forward to reading his next. And to all other writers out who are like me have been paralysed by the weight of words buried deep in the 'cesspit' of their hard drive - don't let it rot, give it another read - you never know what you might find.

And failing that bum on seat - I think I need to spend time in Tumbles Forge again.

Silence

The day Robin was born

Well my sons have fled the nest and it is so quiet around here. There are no size elevens clumping down the stairs and no 'Muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm' and do I miss them - yes. Last night was the first night I've spent in this house totally on my own but Dan did arrive at about ten this morning and I've seen Chris and Robin today.

I called into their home last night to drop some stuff off and they had the fire going, friends around and it was a happy place, warm and comfortable and I was happy for them.

So big changes have taken place.

Today I've taken it easy. I've done a bit of scribbling but no real writing but now it's my time to do what I have to do and I will - hey I've got no excuse now other than having the luxury of watching telly in bed.

Fun, games and poorly paws

The big move should be happening this weekend. The lads have just about finished decorating downstairs, they've faced the reality of sorting out bills etc, and the rent has been paid. For a couple of weeks they'll be almost camping there but soon they should have it sorted and finally have their own home.

It's a lovely house with French doors leading out into onto a patio which catches the sun in the evening. Plans are already afoot for a beer fridge and they've claimed the patio furniture. They're not moving miles away just literally over the side of Clunbury Hill but in some senses it feels like it. When one leaves home, there is a gap, when all three go at the same time, it leaves a bloody great crater. But, I am happy for them and as long as the lovely Marion from Tuffins (our local supermarket) still speaks to me, I know they're all right, she's their next door neighbour.

The poorly paws bit, well the stress, hassle, frustration and upset over the past few weeks and months have taken their toll. The dreaded Psoriasis has flared up to probably a new increased level. Scabby is probably an understatement. I'm seriously thinking of getting a hand bell and go round yelling 'unclean.'

Psoriatic nails too don't help because they just fall off and leave sore skin behind and the other side well they're cracking and bleeding

Hopefully once the lads are settled and I've got somewhere to live, this will ease off and we'll all find a new and exciting normality.

I am really thrilled for and proud of my sons

Give them the keys to their own house and suddenly I have three Laurence Llewelyn Bowens on my hands.

They got the keys for their house in Clungunford late Thursday afternoon, Friday morning they were down there with paint, rollers, music and beer and began their marathon session.




Thursday afternoon the front room looked like this.







But by Saturday afternoon it looked so much better. They've completely painted the front room, the hall and stairs and put a coat of paint over a 'feature' wall in two bedrooms.





I am thrilled for them, they have a new home to share and to start living their own lives and working together they have achieved so much. The big move will actually happen next weekend and then I shall start making ratatouille.

Be happy Chris, Dan and Robz, I am proud of you, I love you and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Changes

Wow what a difference!

Last week Clunbury Hill looked like this. I had workman laying a garden path, stripped to the waist, drinking copious amounts of water and tea and getting sunburnt.


This week is looks completely different. It's covered in snow and I doubt if the workman would be stripped to the waist today, it's cold, windy and wet.

Changes are part of life, some we make of our own free will and others we have choice over but just have accept.

In the next few weeks there will be major changes for my family. My three sons are leaving home, moving out en masse. And although I've spent years moaning about them and at them, we've also spent years laughing together and I shall miss them. They're only going down the road and will sharing a house but they won't be coming home in the evening after work. I shall miss Chris and his Wendy - isms as he calls them. Wendy is a woman he works with that he often quite amusing by what she says.

I shall miss Dan, talking to me, before he opens the front door, talking about his day, what he's done to which caravan and who said what.

And Robz, he comes in and talks about his supervisor who he can't stand and also he moans about the price of petrol, seeing as now he's got his own car.

But I've been an always there Mum for nearly twenty nine years and it's time we all moved on and my sons have the space and freedom to live their lives and as I said to Robz last night, when he moaned about me always worrying, what I don't know about I can't worry about.

I do wish them well and I hope they'll make the best of the opportunity they've got and hey maybe one day, at least one of them might make me a grandmother - I'm feeling a bit left out, most of my friends are grandparents.

For me too, there is going to be change. I shall have to get used to the silence but it also means that I have to make my own life too.

One of the changes I'm making is I'm going back to Wrekin Writers. I was talking to someone briefly the other week and they made me realise that I'd make a serious error of judgement in leaving and I'm going to put that right. I have always missed the group and I know that I have to say sorry to the committee for leaving the way I did and for causing them all unnecessary work and hassle but I will do that willingly. This isn't a backward step, it is part of moving forward and putting my life in order and who knows what is around the corner.