Homelessness

That's how I feel - homeless.

Back in June 2007 this happened.

Yes the house in the lake or rather the river was mine. I don't think anything prepares you for an event like that.  I'd seen the river burst his banks before but it had done what it was supposed to do and that was flow onto the flood planes. June 26 2007 things were different. They'd been logging further up the river and with the extraordinary amount of water, the logs were carried down the river and blocked the culverts and the river rose and kept rising.

Some of you will remember the dreadful scene in Ludlow when the Pearces' house collapsed and for months their bed was hanging in full view of everyone coming into the town.

We literally abandoned the house and found a room in the local travelodge but the next morning I went back to face it on my own. This is what greeted me and I know I look awful but I hadn't slept and I was devastated.

Brief interview with the Shropshire Star


That was the beginning of a ten week period of homelessness for my family. We drifted around, sometimes not knowing where we were going to sleep that but for six weeks we lived in a flea infested hostel owned by the local housing association. It was an absolute nightmare.

Finally we did get a home but even though I still 'live' in that home, my family have had to move out and me, well I'm waiting to be rehoused in somewhere where hopefully I'll be safe.

At the moment I feel exactly how I felt when I lived in that hostel. A roof over my head but it wasn't a home. Here, well I live downstairs. Where my dining table used to be my bed is now. Yes it's a lot better than the shed I slept in over the winter because the stairs are too dangerous but, despite promises made - I'm still here.

I know I'm lucky because compared to those who literally have no roof over their heads I don't have anything to complain about but you know, homelessness is more than a lack of a roof - it's also a state of mind.

Plus it's brought back some many horrible memories that I had put behind me.

Hopefully though soon, this situation will be resolved and then finally I can get on with my life.

The body betrays the mind

I've just read Julie's Quest latest post and in it she talks about the inspiration she got from Patrick Moore. I had a dear friend who has passed away and she was a neighbour of Patrick Moore. She would comment that as he was getting older he was finding life more difficult but the one thing he's never lost was the sparkle in his eye and his enthusiasm for the skies.

It's like Professor Stephen Hawking, if you didn't know who he was, you'd write him off - why?

Because the body can betray the mind and sometimes does.

As a wheelchair user I've been in the situation where I've asked questions and the answers have been given to the person who has been pushing me. Ermmm - hello I'm down here!

Please don't judge people by your perception of them - whatever our problems are we're all equal.

And probably the best and funniest thing I've had said to me - it was a few years back and I was talking to a lady on the phone. She had problems walking but what really made me laugh was when she said 'you don't sound as if you're in a wheelchair.'

And if you want further proof that us 'disabled' or the word I grew up with was 'crippled' lead normal lives then read 'Never Say Die' by Melaine Davies and Lynne Barrett-Lee 

There but for the grace of God go all of us.

Sincere apologies or me and my big gob

I owe Furrows of Telford sincere apologies for the comments I made about them in my last post.

They had my car back and it was inspected by my insurance company who said that the problems with my car are down to Hyundai and not Furrows of Telford.

So basically my car is a lemon!

It is not yet three years old and already the gearbox has been replaced by Hyundai, the engine is burning a litre of oil every thousand miles and the car has only done just over thirty thousand miles. Hyundai think this is acceptable but no one else does. There are other bits and pieces (hey I only drive the damn thing) that are faulty and despite the assurance Hyundai give regarding their warranty, trying to get anything done is nigh on impossible.

So yes, Furrows of Telford I am very sorry for jumping to conclusions, according to my Insurance Company you've done a good job. So, for me, well I can't wait to get rid of the damn car and God help the person who buys it.

As for the next vehicle, I'm thinking French

Oh - la - la

What a week and totally grounded!

That about sums this week up.

On Wednesday my car went in for its annual service to be told the brakes were dangerous and they weren't going to release it. Fortunately after a four hour wait they did manage to get the parts. Then I was told that it had to go back to Furrows in Telford because despite the car going back following accident damage, they still hadn't repaired the car properly. This is now the second it's been returned them following the initial repair.

Furrows agreed to lending me a courtesy car but it turns out I can't drive it because my photo driving licence is out of date. However, unlike the rest of the driving population in the UK I can not apply for a replacement because thanks to my ex (yes the peadophile in Albrighton) the DVLA have yet to decide (after a year) whether or not I'm fit to drive. I know it's him because he's done it before.

DVLA have had confirmation off both my consultant and my doctors that I am fit to drive but they have to decide themselves, without ever meeting me and of course they are behind. My case was referred to them on 22 April 2012, after months of clerical people mucking about and the doctors are still working on cases dating from February.

So, according to DVLA I can drive my own car but I can not drive the courtesy car and until I get my car back (which will be when - I don't know) I have to rely on my sons to drive me. Which is great when it's a ten mile round trip for a pint of milk.

I know one and another it's all my fault but I'm sick to death of that bloody car and can't wait until September when I get a new one.

In the meantime, it feels like my last link with the outside world has gone. I do now feel totally isolated.

Life, achievements and my cousin Barbara

My dear cousin Barbara has just recently celebrated her 55^th birthday and as she said, ‘my life is peaceful , I am content.’

Five children and grandchildren, what more could she want?

But Barbara had a dream, a goal to aim for and that was to pass her driving test. On the 16^th April I got a message saying she’s past her driving test the day before. Apparently she drove around everywhere, so happy with her achievement.

Around about the 20^th April she was taken into hospital where she died on the 5^th May.

Barbara and I used to sort of play together. The reason I say that is she remembers me kicking her with my walking plasters on or my ‘cripple boots’ as they were known then.

But after she found me on facebook a couple of years ago, we picked up where we left off and just filled in the details of over thirty years of not seeing each other.

I really can’t believe she’s gone but I will treasure her memory and always be grateful for the time we had together.

I always think grief is a selfish thing because it’s about us and not the person we grieve for, especially when illness etc, is the reason for that grief.

It’s been a hard couple of months, I’ve lost an uncle, a dear friend and now a very much loved cousin. Yes I grieve and yes I miss them dreadfully but aren’t I lucky that I knew them well enough to miss them so much.

Probably a very disjointed post and I’m sorry but some things hurt and at the moment – selfishly I’m hurting.

But to Barbara - I will always love you and I'll miss you but more than that - thank you for being part of my life.

xx

Happy birthday Mum

Today would have been my Mum's seventy fifth birthday. It's been a day of reflection, very much a day when I've missed her and I would give the world to give her a hug again. But I can't.

Today though, I've laughed at the memory of the things we did both together as two women but also as a family. She was and still is, very special and never a day goes by when I don't think of her, hear her voice and smile and yes there are still times I weep.

But I was lucking because she was my Mum and that is something I'm so proud of.

Mum and I in a swimming pool in Singapore.

So Mum, happy birthday.

All my love

Sue xx

Day three - did you know?

That a member of the Indonesian band Armageddon Holocaust claimed to be Bill Clinton?

That was my prompt for my short story today. The brief was to go to Wikipedia's front page (don't laugh) and select something from there to prompt a story.

Somehow I went from the Indonesian band Armageddon Holocaust to Mid Wales, rain, fifteen whiskies and Harry Secombe. I've written it, printed it off and put it in my folder to read next month but you know, I think this story works.

And a bit of useless information but in my story I have Harry Secombe singing the beautiful Welsh song Myfanwy the lyrics written by Richard 'Mynyddog' Davies.

Richard 'Mynyddog' Davies (Mynyddog being his bardic name) was born at Dolydan, Llanbrynmair in 1833.

The same house I was lucky enough to live in from October 2005 - February 2007.

Sadly though, whilst I was there I didn't write anything as memorable or as long lasting as the lyrics of Myfanwy.

Something different from Nano

I've completed the Nanowrimo challenge several times so I'm doing something different.  I'm trying to complete the 'Story a day' challenge for May. Okay I know it's only the second day of the month but I have written two new stories.

Yesterday's has possibilities but it definitely needs working on. The brief for that was keep it short and write a twelve hundred word story. I failed. I did over sixteen hundred but by the time all the rubbish has been taking out of it, it should be twelve - well that's what I'm saying anyway.

However, today's story was different and a challenge that I set myself. The brief was memories. That in itself was a challenge because I've got fifty years of them and while I was thinking about what to write, so many of them came flooding back. Some happy, some sad, some nondescript, you know the ordinary things that for some reason the mind won't let go of.

Finally I chose one that I don't really remember a lot about, not visual images anyway but I do remember the feelings I had, which is quite strange because the incident happened when I was a small child living in Llantwit Major in South Wales.

The Queen came to visit and when I saw she wasn't wearing her crown and the horses had stayed at home, I cried and cried. Mum said I cried for days because she was wearing a normal 'queenie' outfit and was in a black car. I think I vowed never to see her again but I have, not at my behest though, I promise you that.

The challenge I set myself was to write it in the first person as if it was happening now with me, as a small child. I had to cut out words that I use now because I wouldn't have used them then. I do know that I could talk for England and was quite advanced in my vocabulary and my thinking but, I don't know if I succeeded with my self imposed challenge with what I've written tonight.

I've printed it off and will look at it on June 2nd, a month after I wrote it and then I'll decide. Could be interesting but I enjoyed the experiment.

And just one thing on my advanced thinking. While we were living in Llantwit Major my Mum gave birth to my little brother Stephen and she was in hospital for quite a while, so Nana came down to help Dad look after us. Gillian and I were in the sitting room playing quietly and Nana with the experience of both motherhood and grandmotherhood, got a bit suspicious as to exactly what we were up to.

She came in and found Gillian stark naked on the sofa with me resting my hand on her tummy saying in my most reassuring voice. 'Don't worry Mrs you're baby won't be long.' I was four years old and obviously I had worked out that babies weren't delivered by the stork or found under gooseberry bushes.

Nana was horrified. My Dad, he burst out laughing.

So what did you do today?

Me I totally wimped out. Rain and cold play havoc with the arthritis so I stayed in, swallowed pain killers and stayed warm.

But Terri and Mike, two friends of mine from Lydbury North Writers went on an adventure. Yes, totally mad, but they did. Terri and Mike are Celts and they 'act out' life in the Iron Age and today, in the pouring rain they greeted a load of school children at Hell Gate on the Wrekin in full Iron Age garb. Actually Terri did say last night she was going to wear her walking boots and not her Iron Age sandals but in these conditions I don't blame her. Today she wore a long, heavy wool dress so I doubt the children noticed.

But I've been thinking about those children because although it was an adventure for Terri and Mike, it was an even bigger adventure for them. Image, climbing a hill and suddenly to be greeted by people for a time other than your own. Imagine them leading you on to a world you have no comprehension of. Imagine them taking you into their existence, no modern day comforts, not even a duvet to crawl under at night but the harsh realities of life in a hostile environment.

There is a magic in those time. A few years ago I went to Castell Henyllis in South Wales, with who was then, a very good, close friend and they too shared the magic of the place.

Terri and Mike have stayed there and I was talking to them last month and Terri said, one morning she woke up early and she could hear voices and singing in a language she didn't understand. My, perhaps ignorant interpretation is that the village came to life,' I don't know.

But with the magic we found at Castell Henyllis and I really hope the children found today on the Wrekin, we as writers need to learn that our thinking, our understanding and our acceptance of all possibilities doesn't stop at the top of our skulls. We have a whole universe to think in and unless it's used, it is wasted.

And despite the rain - I would love to have been up there with today stepping back into a time forgotten.