Serious warning!

When I’m an old woman I’ll eat ratatouille

And my house will smell of garlic and onions with

The aroma of olive oil and empty bottles of red wine

And bleach, toilet cleaner, old perfume and loneliness.

But with failing hearing I shall hear the phone

Because day in and day out I’ll long for it to ring.

I’ll chat to foreigners who want to sell me

Life insurance, car insurance and holidays.

Then I’ll put the phone down and hear the silence

And I’ll dust and polish spick and span surfaces

Must keep busy.

I’ll welcome Jehovah’s Witnesses with joy

Because they’re a voice and someone to talk to

Then they’ll go leaving me unconverted

And the Watch Tower they leave will be screwed up in the bin.

But old age I look forward to because

Because I aim to be right pain in the arse

I’m not going to put up with the hassle

That I’ve endured in my younger years

So those who want to control can whistle because I’m gone.

I’m fifty now and not so well but here’s to those

who wish me well and those who don’t can go to hell but….

Warning – what life is left I’ll be living – my way.